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ann_leckieSometimes when I'm trying to explain the idea of privilege and saying or doing racist or sexist things without realizing it, and what might be a good way to respond to accusations that one has done or said something racist or sexist, I use an analogy.
Imagine you're walking down the street swinging your umbrella. And suddenly someone shouts, "Ow, dammit, my eye! Watch where you're swinging that umbrella!"
What's your first reaction? Surprise, maybe, because you didn't think you were swinging that wide, or that anyone was behind you. And the first words out of your mouth would probably be something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize! Are you all right?" Because after all, you didn't actually want to hurt anyone, you feel bad that you did.
So, that analogy? That is not meant to encourage people to cut umbrella-swingers slack. It's meant to demonstrate that in most real-world situations where you hurt someone unintentionally, the generally accepted response is to apologize sincerely for having hurt someone, and in most cases to be a bit more mindful with your umbrella in future. So that, in these other situations when someone is likely to say something like, "but the person who got poked was too meany pants in her complaint!" or "They didn't explain exactly how or why having a sharp metal ferrule jabbed in their eye might have been uncomfortable, how am I to know unless they tell me very politely and in great detail?" or "they should have complained quietly off in a corner so I don't have to feel bad about having hurt them!" you can see how obviously wrong and ridiculous those reactions look. If I poked you in the eye with my umbrella and then told you I might listen to you if you didn't use horrible words that make me uncomfortable, you'd think pretty badly of me. And rightly so.
Now imagine bystanders watching someone poke a person in the eye with their umbrella. The recipient of the umbrella-stab reacting "Ow, dammit, my eye! Watch where you're swinging that!" The umbrella wielder reacting at first indignantly, but then after a bit saying, "Gosh, I'm sorry."
And a few bystanders say, "But the person who got poked should have explained how and why they were hurt! Quietly somewhere in a corner so that umbrella-swinging dude didn't have to feel bad about it in front of us! I mean, sure she was mad, but she really ought to have been mad in a way that didn't hurt his feelings!" Imagine that. I mean, really imagine that.
Imagine being the person on the receiving end of that umbrella, and how you would really feel--not how you imagine you ought to feel (but won't when you actually get your eye jabbed).
That is the point of the analogy.
Honestly, some days I want a hammer and a big metal stamp that says CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE.
Imagine you're walking down the street swinging your umbrella. And suddenly someone shouts, "Ow, dammit, my eye! Watch where you're swinging that umbrella!"
What's your first reaction? Surprise, maybe, because you didn't think you were swinging that wide, or that anyone was behind you. And the first words out of your mouth would probably be something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize! Are you all right?" Because after all, you didn't actually want to hurt anyone, you feel bad that you did.
So, that analogy? That is not meant to encourage people to cut umbrella-swingers slack. It's meant to demonstrate that in most real-world situations where you hurt someone unintentionally, the generally accepted response is to apologize sincerely for having hurt someone, and in most cases to be a bit more mindful with your umbrella in future. So that, in these other situations when someone is likely to say something like, "but the person who got poked was too meany pants in her complaint!" or "They didn't explain exactly how or why having a sharp metal ferrule jabbed in their eye might have been uncomfortable, how am I to know unless they tell me very politely and in great detail?" or "they should have complained quietly off in a corner so I don't have to feel bad about having hurt them!" you can see how obviously wrong and ridiculous those reactions look. If I poked you in the eye with my umbrella and then told you I might listen to you if you didn't use horrible words that make me uncomfortable, you'd think pretty badly of me. And rightly so.
Now imagine bystanders watching someone poke a person in the eye with their umbrella. The recipient of the umbrella-stab reacting "Ow, dammit, my eye! Watch where you're swinging that!" The umbrella wielder reacting at first indignantly, but then after a bit saying, "Gosh, I'm sorry."
And a few bystanders say, "But the person who got poked should have explained how and why they were hurt! Quietly somewhere in a corner so that umbrella-swinging dude didn't have to feel bad about it in front of us! I mean, sure she was mad, but she really ought to have been mad in a way that didn't hurt his feelings!" Imagine that. I mean, really imagine that.
Imagine being the person on the receiving end of that umbrella, and how you would really feel--not how you imagine you ought to feel (but won't when you actually get your eye jabbed).
That is the point of the analogy.
Honestly, some days I want a hammer and a big metal stamp that says CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE.